Cell Phone Junkies

Do you remember a time when cell phones were about the size of a large shoe? Maxwell Smart's bosses at CONTROL made a great call on that one, didn't they? And not only were they huge, but they were by and large a status symbol. The more things change, the more they stay the same, don't they? I'll admit, I have a cell phone and I use it when I am travelling. One breakdown in the middle of nothing and you learn quickly. But, I know people who cannot function without that little plastic piece stuck to their ear. Even better are the Startrek rejects who are so overwhelmed that they clip it to their ear, because frankly, the two ounces that the average cell phone weighs is brutal, isn't it? In all the time that I have had my phone, I've needed it for one honest emergency. Other than that, it's just handy to have, because you never know, right? While walking through the Happy Retail Hoedown this afternoon, I took time to notice just how many people are incapable of walking around without talking to someone. I think cell phones are a little pretentious, I know someone that used to pretend to talk into her soda can whenever we saw someone who was obviously on their phone just to be seen on their phone. If you are in fact one of these cell phone junkies, take a minute and think about a few things, okay? One, when I am walking through Walmart to get some cheap batteries, I don't need to here the blow by blow on your medical condition, your latest sexual encounter, or the crappy thing that Antoine just did to you. I just want to get the batteries and get out. Second- with homage to Max Smart again- you are not under a cone of silence. People can hear you. I know I made this point just a second ago, but it bares repeating. I can hear you tell your small child what to do with the leftovers and I can ascertain that the small child is home alone. If I can, every sexual predator within a square mile can, too. It's not that hard to make the connection to the unattended child and where you live. Treat every cell phone conversation like someone else is listening. Because they are. Trust me. Just once I would like to overhear an important conversation. Just one. Maybe a the baby is coming, meet me at the hospital! Or even a we have a match for your kidney! Come right now! But that is never the case. Here is every conversation that I have had to overhear, verbatim. "Hey, what are you doing? Nope? Me neither. Just shopping at Walmart. I needed some milk, and some toilet paper, the usual. Are you going? What are you wearing? (If it's a woman) That will look good. No, did you hear what ***** said? Can you believe it? He is crazy! Well, I'm going to......." then if God is feeling merciful, the conversation walks away. I have read reports that cell phones aren't healthy to use for extended periods of time, but I expect the research will be out on that for a while. And don't get me started on the people who talk and drive. They definitely aren't healthy. I have seen studies that show a person who is engrossed in a conversation drives as badly, if not worse, than a person who is drunk. Think of that the next time you see a car full of small children being driven by something with a cell phone plastered to its ear. Put the cell phone down. Unless you have a fluid causing emergency, what ever you need to say will probably keep until you get home. Trust me. And the people who didn't have to hear about your latest encounter with Mr. Right Now will thank me later.