So What happened to Common Sense?

What ever happened to common sense? Did it die a slow death that I just didn't notice, or was it one of those black bag operations that you read about in a crime or spy novel? I have to wonder, because I haven't seen common sense in action in quite some time. I miss it. Some of the examples of this death would be when Walmart requires you to work over your shift and then makes you shave it off before the end of the pay period so that they do not have to pay you one smidgen of over time. Is that legal?? I have asked before, but I have yet to get an answer. I am sure that one day in the not too distant future, Walmart will settle yet another suit and the only ones to see any compensation from it will be the lawyers. Then Walmart will have a series of meetings with associates to tell them what they should already know. Don't work over your time, even if we ask you to. Two, if you have any sort of problem with a manager, document, document, document. Trust me on this. Never ever believe a manager when they tell you that they are looking out for you. If you will believe that, I have a small bridge to sell you. Finally, even though I try to keep this from being a political rant at every turn, will someone please tell me what happened to the common sense of the American people? I see that BO repaid his ACORN buddies with a huge amount of payola in the new budget. Nothing like making our great great grand children pay for the ineptitude of the current idiocy. I don't understand so many things I suppose I should start making a list. I will make another call to Bentonville, and if I actually get an answer, you can thank me later.

What Country is This, Again???

Have you ever lost your social security card? If you have, then you know the joys of going down to replace it. I had been dreading the experience for two days, so I was shocked and amazed to find that there were only five people ahead of me. I passed the 15 minutes or so by looking around the area at all the different posters that might pertain to me. Then I got angry. Why, you ask? Because there was a poster that explained that if you couldn't speak English, point to the language that you recognized, and the Social Security Administration had an interpreter on the phone to help you. At the risk of sounding Xenophobic, why is there anyone who would be receiving benefits, that still hadn't mastered the language of the land? I was dumbfounded. Also, how much does it cost me in taxes to have the government supply not one or two, but 28 different interpreters?? Do you think that was a little bit much?? Maybe a requirement for receiving the benefits could be to have the ability to speak the language of the land? It's just a thought. In case you were wondering, yes, I can tie this into the Company that Doesn't Care. I received an email from someone that used to work at the Auburn, Indiana supercenter. Once, when she was stocking the shelves in domestics, she noticed signs all over the shelves. They were for a project literacy group, and they said that if you had a problem reading, or needed help to learn to read, that you should contact the following number. Her question to the manager was, if the person can't read, how are they supposed to know what this says? After laughing for a minute, her manager told her to be on the look out for anyone who looked confused when they were looking at the notice. If they appeared confused, ask them if they needed help. Then, if they said they couldn't read, then read them the notice about literacy. It was tongue in cheek. but the whole thing shows the strong need for common sense to be a staple at Walmart again. Don't hold your breath, but if it happens, you can thank me later.

Computer Illiterate, That's Me

Do you know how to set up a website? I want to set one up, but I have no idea how to go about it. Computer Illiterate doesn't begin to cover it. Most of the time I am okay with that, but computer knowledge is kind of like toilet paper, when you need it, you really need it, and not much works as a substitute. I have a feeling that I will be forced to have my nephew help me figure it out. If you want to feel old sometime, try asking for technical help from someone whose butt you have diapered. I promise that you will instantly feel about one hundred eighty years old. But I suppose it could be worse, I do have other skills, some of them learned from the best little retail spot in the universe, you know the one. I know how to juggle breaks and lunches in a schedule that is an hour behind. I know how to take a register belt apart because a customer didn't realize that if you put something on the conveyor belt, it might just go through the crack. I also learned that there is a way to treat people if you value them. And I learned that Walmart doesn't know that. I don't miss my time at the happiest retail spot on God's green earth. I miss some of the people, sometimes, but the over all aggravation from being devalued every day, nope, don't miss that at all. I received an email from a lady named Carrie yesterday. She told me a few stories about the Walmart that she used to work at in Indiana. I smiled to myself as she complained about having four hours of work and two hours to do it. Then I smiled again as I remembered something else she wrote about. She called it the freebie vacation. Carrie complained that with the policy of not going one tick over forty hours in her store, many of the department managers had devised a way to take a mini break, and they were allowed to get away with it time and again. The scam works like this: say you want to get away for a few days, there is a Holiday coming up. But you don't want to waste any of your vacation time that you have accrued. Here is what the department manager would do. He/she knew that they were going to get an extra day off to remove the holiday pay. He/she also knew that they day would be scheduled to coincide with their Saturday-Sunday days off. So then the department manager would make it a point to work over a little every day of the week, so that when the day before their extra day off arrived, they had to shave another day off, and presto! A four day weekend! Nice, isn't it? The amazing thing was that the salaried managers let them get away with it time and again. Why didn't they make the department manager shave it off the very next day? Good question. Another thing that the department manager would do was come in at night, in theory to set up a new module or some other piece of work that would be easier with less customers around. One new mod set up, and the department head was almost certain to be able to enjoy a three or four day weekend, no question. Someone forwarded a post to me. In it, a department manager was explaining that it wasn't really their job to take care of the customer, their job was to run a department. What???? I guess those troublesome folks with their money can be a real aggravation. When did these people forget who is paying their salaries? Why doesn't someone remind them? I've suggested before that 1.800.WALMART is the place to start asking those very questions. The next time you are faced with a department manager who doesn't want to be bothered with you, remember the number, then use it when you get home. You'll thank me later,

Customer Service?

I got a really harsh email from MaryAnna today. MaryAnna is a little annoyed with her local Walmart and needed a place to vent. She went into one of the hate Uber sites and was still angry when she came out. She told me that she knew what to expect when she went into the site, but she had expected something better than what she found, especially after the buildup that it got from a Penn and Teller program. What MaryAnna found was a group of people without a clue. The link that she sent me was the one that left her scratching her head. Someone in this site put forth the idea of boycotting Walmart for a year. Okay............ MaryAnna's sister works at a Walmart in Jacksonville, Florida, and the idea of a boycott is patently ridiculous, according to MaryAnna. If sales are down, way down, will Walmart begin to change their policies? Or will Walmart simply cut the hours of the associates in that store until everyone is forced to find another job in this great BO economy? What do you think? But the original source of MaryAnna's annoyance was that she was trying to buy something today and she could not find one single person that would help her! After waiting 5 minutes for someone to return with a manager, Maryanna gave up and left. She also left the cart of things she had intended to buy. Chalk up another loss of $200 for Walmart. In the grand scheme of things $200 is nothing to Walmart, or even that store. But if more people do it, maybe the bad sales will force them to change their ways. Or, like Maryanna believes, it will only put good people, like her sister, out of a job. So what is the solution? MaryAnna asked me in an email, and I told her the truth. I don't know. There are those who believe that a union of some sort will fix the problems. The only thing that a union might fix is the falling revenue of many unions. According to the sites that I have visited, union membership is down. Way down. But before I start a union discussion, I will head back to the start of this blog. Walmart should take a serious look at the customer service that it offers. Great service should be the norm, not the exception. What is my definition of good customer service? First of all, it shouldn't take five minutes for a manager to get back to you, either on the phone or in the store. Is my time not valuable? Second, when I am asking about a product that you don't have in stock, don't give me the sorry about your luck speech. How about if you make a phone call and see if it is at any other Walmarts in the area? Third, please don't act as if I am putting you out by expecting you to do your job. If you are a salaried member of management, isn't it your job to make sure that I am satisfied? I have noticed that satisfaction guaranteed is no longer on the outside of many Walmart store buildings. It is no longer inside the store either. I don't think that there is a solution that comes to the mind, easily. It would seem that Walmart's competitors have an opportunity at this point. If a retailer were to take a hard look at the policies that Sam Walton started, they would have the blueprint for a successful business. And it's not like the current Walmart is busy using those principles. So wouldn't it be great if some other retail place started a store that is like Walmart used to be? If a new store chain starts up in the near future, and it has the policies and customer service that Walmart used to have, you can thank me later.

E is the New F????

How did you do in school? I did pretty well, I never had too many problems. Some children do, unfortunately, either because they don't understand, or they don't want to understand. I saw an interesting thing on the news, recently. A child who had been getting bad grades because he didn't want to do the work was made to stand on a street corner, holding a sign that showed his bad grades. I think the parents should get a medal. The child was mortified, and maybe that is the incentive that he needs to work toward his future. The problem that I had was when the interviewer asked what the grade E stood for. It would seem that an E is the new F. How stupid is that?? Has the trauma of getting an F become so much that we have to cushion the children from it? I can't understand why we are lagging further and further behind in the world, can you? Here is a thought: If a child is doing so badly in school that he is getting the worst grade possible, quit worrying about his sensitivity and start worrying about teaching him! If the teachers aren't getting the job done, get different teachers, and suggest a different career to the ones that you have. If the problem is the child, let the school discipline the child so that he isn't a distraction to himself and the other children in his class. If you don't want to have the school discipline him, then find someone who will. I know of some areas that hold the parents of the child responsible. I love that idea, also. It works like this: If a child is becoming a disciplinary problem at school, the parents must serve the detention with the child in order to keep the child in school. A couple of Saturdays of having to rearrange a schedule should make discipline a top priority again, shouldn't it? I'll bet you are just waiting on the segue, aren't you? Well, here it is. I have received many emails from irritated associates at Walmart because the former department managers who are now zone managers are discovering that there is work out side of the banker's hours they had been working. They seem to be furious that they are going to be required to give up those comfortable schedules of 5-2, 6-3, or even 7-4. I don't have any sympathy here. Sorry. Having been a CSM with a schedule that had me work 2-11, 6-3, 2-11, then 6-3 again, I think that if you want a job, then you take the hours that go with it. It is retail, after all, and maybe you should be there when the customers are there. I've said it before, the same goes for the pristine bunch in the back. If the store is open 24 hours a day, then the whole store should be open 24 hours a day. Why should a third shift associate have to stay late or get up in the middle of the night(for them) to make changes to their file? And I know, without a doubt, that if Walmart began having their UPC associates, and the others in the back offices work 3 shift days, that the rest of the retail industry would follow suit. I have made room in my email for the blast of letters I am sure to receive, but I stand fast on this one. Not having back office help in a 24 hour store is as stupid as changing the letter of the bad grades so that children aren't getting embarrassed by them. So no more opportunities for improvement, no more challenges instead of problems, and definitely no more E because the F makes the child feel bad. You'll thank me later.

Making Plans

Do you like thinking about your death? Many people don't. Some to the point that they refuse to make any plans for it. It's as if by not making the plans, they can avoid the possibility. That always works, doesn't it? Actually, what it does is ensure that you have a lovely two by four stick for your grave marker. Nice. I knew someone recently who died. He was an hysterical, superstitious fool, not to speak ill of the dead. He would never consider life insurance, not even for a second. He said he didn't want to have enough money to tempt someone to kill him. Trust me, five minutes after you got stuck talking to this idiot, you didn't need the prospect of an insurance payout to want to see him dead. The money would have been inconsequential. The silence would have been blissful. So anyway, he had nothing. It fell to his children to take care of his last party, so to speak, and every time I walk past his memorial "stick" I am reminded again of how incredibly selfish he must have been. I'll bet you are wondering how I am going to segue back to the Company that Cares, aren't you? Simple, Walmart has some of the crappiest insurance options that exist. That is if you are a mere peon. If you are a member of management, however, you get a much sweeter deal. The options that they offer are insurance in name only. You would do better to put the money paid toward premiums into a money market account that you could access without penalty. In this day and age, when so many people must count on their employer to provide their insurance, Walmart has found yet another way to screw the associate and pass the savings on to you!I've read many books that quoted Sam Walton as saying that if he took care of the managers, they would take care of their associates. I guess maybe Mr. Sam thought wrong on that one. So look into making your final plans, if for no other reason then to spare your family the horrible decisions they would have to make for you. Unless you want to have a stick for a marker, some people do. So think about your last plans, and take care of them when you can. You'll thank me later.

Keep the Change

I was reading with no small amusement that Tom Daschle had withdrawn his nomination to head the Health and Human Services Department for our great country. It would seem that one of the people in charge of overseeing our tax system forgot to add his to the collection plate. Then there was the matter of Nancy Killefer having to withdraw from consideration for the Chief Performance Officer. Another victim to a personal indiscretion. So this is change I can believe in??? I would hate to see what same old same old looks like to BO and his band of 40+ thieves. How many more days before we get another juicy screwup from this doofus? Of course, until it happens, I can continue to pass time watching my face turn blue while I wait for the LA Times to release the tape they have of BO congratulating a possible terrorist. Good times. I am in a perpetual state of wonder. I often wonder how much of a pass that a Republican would have gotten for any of these problems. The quick answer: zip, zero, nada. Thank goodness there is no bias. I was also wondering what the Amusement Park of Retail-Walmart was doing about the ongoing problem of an associate almost killed by the illegal aliens on the floor crew at one of their stores-namely me. It seems that the state of Illinois is considering an appeal to their guarantor fund for Midwest Maintenance. This was the company that Walmart hired to send them a floor crew. None of these people checked the validity of their insurance, and now you are up to speed. The other questions about Walmart shenanigans will have to wait until the hearing results, but when I hear something, you can bet that I will pass it on. And you can thank me later.

Thanks for Nothing

My Mother has a soft heart. Please don't tell her I told you. She can be very hard nosed, and harsh when she has to be, but deep down, she has a soft heart. Please, please, don't tell her I said that. One of the things that prove to me my Mother's kindness, is her willingness to take care of stray animals. I believe that God tests us sometimes by sending something for us to take care of. I think that it is usually a stray, but that can mean an animal or perhaps not. I think that when God sends us these strays,he is seeing what we are going to do about it. Are we going to turn our back on the defenseless creature and on Him? Or are we going to take care of it and try to find a home for it? If I am correct about this, my Mom has passed the test with flying colors. Again, please don't tell her that I said that. So, in my quest to help her with the passing menagerie of cats (where she lives, many people are losing their homes and turning their cats out to fend for themselves) I contacted some cat food companies in the hope that one of them might be willing to help her. The first one that I contacted was Purina. I spoke with a John in their customer service department and he was wonderful. I was a little disconcerted to find that Purina is owned lock stock and barrel by a foreign company, but John more than made up for it. I explained to John what the problem was, and that my Mother is in a position of taking care of these cats that have no one else. John was great. He took my Mother's information, and promised that she would be receiving many coupons and samples in the very near future. God Bless the people like John in the world. Then I contacted Iams. They make a great commercial, don't they? But when I explained my Mother's situation to the Iams representative, I was informed that Iams doesn't do that sort of thing. Sorry. Guess when I'll be buying Iams again? The last that I contacted was Science Diet. The representative there told me that since Science Diet already donates to many animal shelters in the country, they couldn't help my Mother either. Okay, we'll call that one a draw. I suppose the idea of discounting or even sending a coupon for a 20 pound bag of cat food to help some strays in my Mother's neighborhood would be too much for them. At least they are helping other animal shelters. Should this information influence how you buy your cat food? You tell me. And when you have the answer, you can thank me later.

What Were They Thinking?

I had a curious piece of information fall into my lap this week. It would seem that the Walmart in Jefferson City, Missouri has found a way to circumvent the Constitution. How handy is that? I am sure that BO would love to hear some more about that-but wait- he already did, didn't he? That pesky little matter of being a natural born citizen, but who am I to quibble? But back to Walmart's latest indiscretion- It would seem that on 26 July 2007 a fellow and his girlfriend were walking around their friendly neighborhood Walmart when someone from Valor Security with a badge # 52 approached them. He warned them about taking pictures of children and said that "If you don't have any money to buy anything, you need to leave the property." Someone also sent out a description of the two and tagged a warning on it that they may be trying to stalk small children. Two small problems with Barney Fife's report: One, the couple didn't even have a camera with them- making it hard to take pictures, no? and Two: when did it become against the law to kill time by walking around a Walmart? Half the people in one at any given time are just killing time until they can do what ever it is that they need to do. But Back to Barney and his crack team at Valor Security. The Gentleman who wrote this was mostly angry about the potential damage to his reputation. People who aren't child molesters get pretty angry when they are accused of it, and rightly so. The letter that his friend wrote to Walmart has remained unanswered, much like the phone calls that I have made to the company regarding this matter. What I don't understand - or rather- one of the things I don't understand is where they get these people? Wouldn't you think that someone in the security field would have some slight idea of procedure? Walmart won't even let an associate approach a shoplifter caught in the act, but they will let some two bit rent a cop harass the very people who support the company? My new friend said that he hasn't been in a Walmart since the incident in July of 2007 and has no plans to ever go into one again. Can you blame him? So, if you decide to go shopping at the Retail Headquarters for Paranoia, make sure that you don't look at/notice or stand near any small children. You'll thank me later.

Visitor 2000

As I write this, it occurs to me that I cannot believe there are two thousand people that actually gave a rip about what I had to say. I know that I wrote a similar blog when this hit a thousand, and I promise to try not to make big deal about these after this. The whole thing started because I had received an email from the person who had hit the blog and changed it to one thousand. I was very excited about that, and that a person took the time to congratulate me on it was even nicer. The information that the person gave me about their community coordinator was even more interesting. Every one knows that Walmart does a lot for the community. It is one of the cornerstones of their operation. It makes them seem like wonderful members of a town, and not like blood sucking leaches that will destroy all of the local business in a given area. And that's always good, isn't it? But what I didn't know was that those community coordinators have a job that may look like a wonderful gig, but it isn't. First of all, whenever someone is begging for any kind of a handout, the first place they usually hit is Walmart. Walmart does give away a tremendous amount of gift cards and other prizes to community events. Another thing that Walmart does is raise money for Riley's Children's Hospital. They are a wonderful organization, and the good that they do can not be praised enough. However, the community coordinator in a Walmart is responsible for raising money to be donated to Riley's. And they have a quota. Yes, that's right. If the coordinator doesn't raise enough money to meet certain goals, they are held accountable for it. That explains why there is always some sort of begging going on there doesn't it? And in some stores, on a Manager's Birthday -they are required to dress up in a ridiculous costume and walk around the store begging for money. Again, it's all for a good cause, it just seems a little ham-fisted, you know? What if this manager has a deep seated conviction about soliciting money? What if this manager is painfully shy and doesn't want to put on a silly outfit and draw attention to himself? What if the place that they work doesn't give them a choice? But it is for a good cause, you can keep muttering that to yourself as you walk around begging. Another thing that the community coordinator has to do is orchestrate any Christmas party that the store may have. In some stores, the cheap management team elects to keep those funds for themselves, and there is no party. In some, there is a party in name only. I got an email from Heather, who told me about the wonderful Christmas parties that her old store manager gave. They were catered at an outside location, and they lasted for about 14 hours so that all of the shifts would be able to enjoy them. That is not the case now. The store manager that replaced him is more interested in the bottom line. His bottom line. He does not donate one red cent of his bonus to the party, and only allows so much to be store used from the deli. The Christmas drawings that they used to have had wonderful prizes, like free nights at a local hotel. Now, the prizes are the things that the store can beg from the merchandisers, and old displays. One lucky associate won a miniature tent display. Yes, one of those six inch tents that you may see in the sporting goods department. It will be very handy if he ever shrinks to the size of a weeble. But I suppose that he should just be grateful for something. The associates that win the larger prizes have been known to have to pay the taxes on the gift. How cheap and crappy is that? The largest company in the world, but if you win a prize worth more than fifty dollars, you have to pony up the taxes for it. Nice. If I ever get a corporate response, I'll let you know, and you can thank me later.

1 Person 2 People

Do you have a pet peeve? I have a fine collection of them. One of my charming quirks, I guess. The latest peeve that I have is that much worse because I have to see it all the time. When did two people become two persons??? The words have almost the same number of letters, so that can't be it. Seriously, when did this happen? The worst moment for me is when someone says it outloud. I know that grammer class was a long time ago, but I am still in a quandary about this one. I know that there is a missing persons department, you see it in every old police drama. Did their dialogue invade the rest of us? Also, while I am on the subject of words that irritate me, here is two more: portion and serving. Don't ask me why, they just do. I know that they are sort of similar in meaning, also, but I don't think that is it. The two words just irritate me. Welcome to my world. I have touched on this before, I think, but yesterday was a banner day for me and I was trapped in a conversation with a lady who not only used these two words frequently, she relished them. I could almost see the smile of satisfaction as she got to pull these two chestnuts out again and again. In case you were wondering how I was going to segue, wonder no more. Walmart speak is another bone of contention with me. I have written about this before, but you will not have a problem at Walmart. You will have opportunities out the rear end, though. As in, "You have an opportunity with the zone in your area." Translation: you did a crappy job back there and you need to fix it. Mr. Sam must haved love the word, is the only reason I can come up with them using it as much as they do. Oh- here is another one: flexible scheduling. The only thing that is going to be flexible with your schedule is that you will not get the hours you need unless you stand on your hear and scream. Even then it is iffy. I understand this one, to some degree. As I have written before, you need the employee when you have the customer, and most customers are working during the sweet and highly sought after shift of 8-5. I know I have said this before in response to a department manager complaining about the shift in hours. If you want banker's hours, work in a bank. I have worked plenty of crappy shifts at Walmart, because I needed the job. Sometimes you do what you have to to put food on the table, don't you? Speaking of crappy,in the news of late they have been covering BO's social welfare programs. I don't understand why the mortgage crisis is supposed to be a national crisis when the states that are having the problems are confined to California, Arizona, Illinois, and two others that I can't remember right now. I am certain that electoral votes have nothing to do with the new found concern. We have to decide if we want the government to be our nannies, or if we want the problem to be allowed to fix itself. I am a pretty big fan of capitolism. I hope that you are too. So if someone with any clout reads this and decides to follow the ideas here, you can thank me later.

Friday the Thirteenth

Are you superstitious? Do you laugh about the more ridiculous ones, but keep your shoes off the bed, just to be safe? Everyone has some little quirks about them, it's what makes us interesting. But today's date inspired me to write about the most superstitious person I ever met. I know that you aren't supposed to speak ill of the dead, but I'll just tell you what he was like, and then you can decide for yourself, okay? I knew a person that was so deep seatedly superstitious, that he let it rule him. He had one for everything. A bird in your house was bad luck, ask him. Not just the traditional belief that a bird that flew into your home was a harbinger for bad luck. Nope, this loser, may he rest in peace, thought that any bird in your house was bad luck. I always meant to ask him if that meant the chicken for supper, also, I just never got around to it. Another gem was shoes on the bed! Oh the horrors that followed if you accidentally set your shoes on a bed. Death was sure to follow! It was like being stuck in a hammy Vincent Price movie. Another staple was that death comes in threes. You think? So what are the odds that if one person that you know of dies, more will follow? Diabolical, isn't it? Another one of his oddities that I spent time laughing at was that if you entered by a door, you had to exit from the same door. I am not kidding. I have welcomed this guy in through the front door, gone out the back door with him to look at something in the yard, only to have him go back into our house so that he could go out the front door to leave. Sadly, he was ten feet away from his car when he made this backtracking voyage. Therapy, anyone? This person also believed that he heard knocks upstairs, in the junk filled upstairs rooms of his house. These "knocks" were never an old nasty house settling. No sir, they were omens from his long dead relatives that death was coming! The only thing missing from a visit with him was the creepy old organ music. He certainly had the dust filled air part. I wheezed every time I had to go there. Or maybe it was the stink from the cigars and the dirt, who can say for sure? But enough of memory lane. A Friday at Walmart can only mean one thing-long lines at the checkouts and not enough help! You don't need it to be the thirteenth to be unlucky there. I went in today to pick up some chocolate. Lent is coming and I better be ready. I would probably still be in that line if I hadn't set the candy on a display and just walked out. Where is the difficulty in scheduling people when you are busy? I see advertisements all the time on my site that will sell you a program to set up scheduling. The largest company in the world can't afford to invest in one of those? Or does the whole concept of being busy on a Friday catch them off guard every time? I'll make some calls, but I don't expect to get an answer. If I do, you can thank me later.

Apparently, Walmart Doesn't Care About Death- MAYBE Taxes

Here's a story to make you really cherish that heartless entity that is Walmart. I have been speaking with someone who is stage four cancerous. In case you are unfamiliar with the term, then I would steal an explanation from the Russell Crowe movie A Good Year. When Russell Crowe's uncle explains how he knows he is dying he says "I know I am dying because my doctor has quit asking about my health and begun discussing the weather...." At any rate, the person who sent me the gist of this is no longer working for the big hearted company that cares. Why you ask? Was it because Walmart has decided that the last stages of a person's life should be spent taking care of the important things in this world? Have you never read a post of mine? The reason that the person in question sent me this information is because Walmart-God bless them- terminated this person because of too many late clock ins and unapproved absences! As if that is the thing that should concern a stage four cancer victim. What is this person thinking? Why in the world would they not be putting the needs of the company first, especially at a time like this? For goodness' sake, if this person were to do something so thoughtless as die during a busy time of the week, Walmart might not have the coverage that they need for good customer service! An outrage, wouldn't you say? So at any rate I can honestly say that Walmart has sunk to a new low, even for them. I made several calls to their Headquarters, and to date, no one has had a conversation with me about this. I have asthma, so I'm not holding my breath. I wrote in an earlier post about Christmas parties that Walmart has thrown for their associates. In those parties, anyone that won a prize worth more than fifty dollars had to pay the taxes for it. So it would seem that Walmart-even as powerful as they are-can defy death, but not taxes. That's good information to have, especially if you are terminal and working for Sam's old company. Think about this: if they have so little compassion for someone who works for them even though they are dying, how little must they care for you? When you get the answer to that, you can thank me later.

Peppermint is Good for a Belly Ache

Do you like change in your life? It seems that many people do not.I have gotten more than a few emails from Walmart associates who are unhappy with the restructuring that is going on in the Happiest Retail Haven in the World. Walmart is changing the manager structure, so that they will have better coverage. They also seem to be doing away with the department managers as we know it and going with something called a zone manager. The biggest change would seem to be that the magical hours of 7-4 Monday through Friday are all disappearing. Well, good. It is about time, isn't it? How many times have you gone shopping at a Walmart, only to find what you needed wasn't in stock? And how many times, after talking to a manager, were you told to call back or come back when the department manager was there? That seems a little backwards to me, it always has. Instead of having the customer(you remember them, the ones with the money that pay for everything?)come back when the department manager is in, how about having the department manager in when the customer is? It's so crazy, it just might work! When was the last time you went into a Walmart at 10 am and saw a huge crush of customers on a weekday? Unless it is the day before Christmas, the answer is never. But when was the last time you went in on a Saturday and saw a huge crush of customers? I believe that is every Saturday, isn't it? So I am waiting on someone to explain why it is a bad idea to have the people who run a department in the store when the customers are in the store. If I hear an answer that doesn't amount to "because I want to have weekends off, and work just day shift" I'll let you know. While I am waiting on answers, I'll wait to see when Walmart is going to explain why they still haven't implemented better insurance. If the expense of providing insurance to their associates is that draining, again, why don't they shop it out to agents in the area of the store? One hundred or so potential clients would make almost any independent agent come running, wouldn't it? Walmart could have a committee (they do love those) and have the committee sort through the various offers from the different agents. Then, the best 5 or 6 could come back and make their pitch to the store. A simple vote would get you a winner, and everyone would have decent insurance, instead of what they are stuck with now. Just a thought. If it comes to pass, you can thank me later.

What is That Smell?

Are you familiar with the Walmart Store Policies? Unless you work for them, you probably wouldn't be, would you? Count your blessings. There was a time when the Company that Cares really did care. They had generous policies toward their associates and it wasn't a bad place to work. My how times have changed. The new policies toward absenteeism and personal leave are crazy. Sicknesses are not forgiven, and if you need more than a day off to recover, you better take a Leave of Absence. I have wondered in the past what exactly it is that the Personnel Department does, and it seems that they generate paper for anyone needing to take a Leave of Absence. There was a time when you could call in and use a personal day for the first day of your sickness (or problem) and then call in every day until you were better. My how the times have changed. Now, if you are feeling particularly psychic, you should arrange you sickness ahead of time, so that you can be paid for it, and not get terminated. Even with a Doctor's note explaining that you were deathly ill and needed time to recover and not infect half of the population, Walmart might not excuse the absence. Generous of them, isn't it? Very Kind hearted. So, what you need to do in the midst of dealing with this inconvenient illness, is drag your sorry carcass into Walmart and fill out Leave of Absence paperwork. I know, you have a vomiting child in the car, you just found out about the accident, or your Mother only has days to live, but Walmart needs its forms filled out!! Read the policy handbook, it's in there. Has every ounce of common sense and compassion left the Bentonville area? Would it be that difficult to simplify things for the associates when they already have enough on their plate? Maybe some of the folks that work in the useless insurance department could be reassigned to help out with the paperwork and changes in policy that Walmart so desperately needs. It's just a thought. But I hope that someone takes a hard look at the way things have been made so difficult for people who are just trying to do their job and raise their families. If they do (just don't hold your breath) you can thank me later.

Cell Phone Junkies

Do you remember a time when cell phones were about the size of a large shoe? Maxwell Smart's bosses at CONTROL made a great call on that one, didn't they? And not only were they huge, but they were by and large a status symbol. The more things change, the more they stay the same, don't they? I'll admit, I have a cell phone and I use it when I am travelling. One breakdown in the middle of nothing and you learn quickly. But, I know people who cannot function without that little plastic piece stuck to their ear. Even better are the Startrek rejects who are so overwhelmed that they clip it to their ear, because frankly, the two ounces that the average cell phone weighs is brutal, isn't it? In all the time that I have had my phone, I've needed it for one honest emergency. Other than that, it's just handy to have, because you never know, right? While walking through the Happy Retail Hoedown this afternoon, I took time to notice just how many people are incapable of walking around without talking to someone. I think cell phones are a little pretentious, I know someone that used to pretend to talk into her soda can whenever we saw someone who was obviously on their phone just to be seen on their phone. If you are in fact one of these cell phone junkies, take a minute and think about a few things, okay? One, when I am walking through Walmart to get some cheap batteries, I don't need to here the blow by blow on your medical condition, your latest sexual encounter, or the crappy thing that Antoine just did to you. I just want to get the batteries and get out. Second- with homage to Max Smart again- you are not under a cone of silence. People can hear you. I know I made this point just a second ago, but it bares repeating. I can hear you tell your small child what to do with the leftovers and I can ascertain that the small child is home alone. If I can, every sexual predator within a square mile can, too. It's not that hard to make the connection to the unattended child and where you live. Treat every cell phone conversation like someone else is listening. Because they are. Trust me. Just once I would like to overhear an important conversation. Just one. Maybe a the baby is coming, meet me at the hospital! Or even a we have a match for your kidney! Come right now! But that is never the case. Here is every conversation that I have had to overhear, verbatim. "Hey, what are you doing? Nope? Me neither. Just shopping at Walmart. I needed some milk, and some toilet paper, the usual. Are you going? What are you wearing? (If it's a woman) That will look good. No, did you hear what ***** said? Can you believe it? He is crazy! Well, I'm going to......." then if God is feeling merciful, the conversation walks away. I have read reports that cell phones aren't healthy to use for extended periods of time, but I expect the research will be out on that for a while. And don't get me started on the people who talk and drive. They definitely aren't healthy. I have seen studies that show a person who is engrossed in a conversation drives as badly, if not worse, than a person who is drunk. Think of that the next time you see a car full of small children being driven by something with a cell phone plastered to its ear. Put the cell phone down. Unless you have a fluid causing emergency, what ever you need to say will probably keep until you get home. Trust me. And the people who didn't have to hear about your latest encounter with Mr. Right Now will thank me later.

My Dog Daisy

I don't know if I've ever talked about the best dog that ever existed before. For anyone that doesn't know me, that would be Daisy. Daisy was my basset hound, and quite possibly the most perfect dog, ever. I met Daisy before I met my husband. She was a little tri-colored piece of hound dog the first time that I met her. I had decided that I wanted a dog, and my Dad and I
went out to see her one chilly morning. I had decided to get a basset hound and had spent a few weeks looking for the right one. When I met Daisy, she was alone in the garage sitting in a milk crate. She had parked her feet on the top of the crate and was looking at me as if to ask what had taken me so long. I picked her up and that was the end of that. There was no haggling over the price, I counted out the money and put my new baby in the truck. We stopped along the way to pick up some puppy food and a new bowl. I hated leaving her in the truck. She wasn't crazy about it either, but I got back in record time and took my new best friend home. Daisy quickly ingratiated herself with everyone that I knew. One morning when I had let her out to go "potty" as I always called it for her, she began crying in a loud howling voice. When I ran outside to see what was wrong with her, she was pinned to the spot because she was standing on her own ear, and couldn't move. When I picked her up- I rescued her and she was my adoring companion from that moment on. She howled if you sang a certain song, and every time she started howling, I smiled. She also had an excellent nose- it broke my Dad's heart when I wouldn't let him teach her how to hunt. You couldn't hide candy from her, she could sniff out a candy bar or a bowl of chips like a champion. My Mother called Daisy her Granddog, and actually made food for her sometimes. When we went to visit, My Mother often had pig ears for Daisy, and it wasn't uncommon to see her stretched out with my step Dad, the two of them taking a nap. I would have loved Daisy forever just for those reasons, but when she was about a year old, Daisy proved to have skills that would save my life. I had a history of seizures- a by product of an operation that went horribly wrong. Daisy could tell when I was about to have a seizure, and she wouldn't leave my side. How cool is that? My Neurologist didn't know if she could smell them or how she did it, but if Daisy became overly concerned with what I was doing and started constantly poking me with her nose, I knew to sit down and be ready. It also gave my Dad and other loved ones a heads up. Daisy never met a stranger, it was not uncommon for someone to ask how she was if we hadn't seen each other in a while. When she died, I lost a member of my family. Daisy was the best dang dog I ever had in my whole life, and I miss her every day.

Walmart at 3 a.m.

Who are these people that shop at three a.m.? As a confirmed night owl, and a veteran of third shift for many years, I prefer to go out shopping at night. Less crowds, better selection, and perhaps my favorite reason: colorful people. You never know what you are going to see when you walk into the Retail Happyland after dark. Tonight I saw a man in a cowboy hat with three green teeth. When I say three green teeth, I don't mean that three of his teeth were green. Huh-uh. He had three teeth and they were all green. Kind of an olive color, but brighter. Which is not to say that I am making fun of his lack of dental hygiene. No, that's not it at all. What I am wondering is how do you get your teeth that shade of green in the first place? Also, did they turn green and fall out- or did these three hardy souls stay put because they were green? I may never have the answer to that one, but I bet I'll be wondering about it for years to come. Welcome to my world. The second thing I saw that stayed with me was the guy with the pierced face. I can remember when a man with a pierced ear was strange enough. When ever any young men came to my Father's house, if they had a pierced ear, they quickly removed the earring. Not because my Father would say anything, but because he had the habit of patting them on the butt and telling them that anyone with earrings was fair game. One butt pat in front of their friends usually did the trick. No- the guy that I saw tonight had a pierced face. I couldn't count how many earring he had in each ear. But that wasn't enough for this crazy madcap.... He also had a ring in each eyebrow, a hoop in his nose and a spiky looking thing coming out of his face between his bottom lip and his chin. Several questions come to mind whenever I see something like this. The first one is- if he sneezes, does the thing in his nose bounce? Second, what possesses a person to get 17 holes poked in their face?? And the last thing that crossed my mind was -if he took them all out and then took a sip of water- would it pour out of the holes like a cartoon? I covered my laugh with a cough and kept shopping. Finally, even though the moon was full (this truly does bring out the nut jobs, believe me) the most amazing thing that I saw was the painted large woman. I don't mean to sound biased against large people or severely tattooed people, I am not. But what in the world crosses your mind to think that being four hundred pounds + and covering every visible patch of your skin with a myriad of different images is a good idea? Are you independently wealthy, because the odds of getting a job when you look like that are small, aren't they? And again, it's not that I think the problem is because you are a large person, or because you decided to get some sort of ink covering. The problem is that the two combined make you a walking-or in this case, automatic wheel cart riding-billboard. If you don't want me to stare discreetly from behind the display of laundry baskets, then you shouldn't have two naked people entwined on your meaty forearm with the word "hump" misspelled. Oh well, I do feel better about myself. And if you want to feel better about yourself and your situation, take a stroll through you- know- where late at night during a full moon. You'll thank me later.

What Would You do if You Won the Lottery?

So what would you do if you won the lottery? It's a wonderful question, and it has such different answers for everyone that is asked. Are you looking to live your life happily, at least with no money problems? Do you have some huge debt that this could wipe out? Maybe you have a medical problem and you would have one less worry on your mind? Everyone has a different answer, no doubt. The reason that I am bringing this up is because I stood in line today and bought a lottery ticket. I don't do this all the time, but sometimes, when the jackpot gets to the ridiculous stage, I throw in a dollar and hope for the best. My Mother and I always disagree about what to do next. You see, my Mother just sets it aside and hopes for the best. I think that is foolish. Since the odds of winning are slightly less than an asteroid crashing to earth and smooshing me, I think the only way to get my dollar's worth of enjoyment is to imagine what I would do with the money if I won. It's a great way to spend a few moments, and at least you get your money's worth. I remember once when several of us that were working at the Retail Hoedown put our money in and bought lottery tickets. The jackpot was huge, and we spent the rest of our lunch break talking about what we would do if we won. I think I was the only one who still planned on working (I'll explain in a moment) and the plans for the mass walkout were getting funnier and funnier. We even got a little uppity about who we would help and who we wouldn't. It was as if we had already won the money, and we laughed at ourselves and how snooty we became at the mere thought of riches. All and all, we got our dollar's worth. Now, the reason that I wasn't going to quit my job wasn't because I am a glutton for punishment, or because I love my job beyond reason. No, my reasoning for staying was because I think that it would be wonderful to have a job but not need it. How bad could it ever get? If you don't like something on a particular day, you could just walk out and never look back. And the management? What are they going to do? With that kind of money, you could buy and sell them and nothing they tried to do would effect you would it? I think to be able to work in place when you didn't have to would be the best luxury in the world. So think about buying a lottery ticket. For one whole dollar you get to play what if? And as my Dad used to say "Someone has to win, it might as well be me." If you do win, let me know if you keep working, and you can thank me later.

So These are Good Times?

I read a headline yesterday that explained to me that all of my worries are over. How cool is that? I didn't realize that B.O. has some magical mystic power that heals all things. But, I need only turn on the television or pick up any number of sympathetic (deep emphasis on the pathetic part) newspapers, and I will see that BO (birthplace, unknown)has got a plan to fix everything! Hot damn. And I was worried that too much government intrusion would take this recession into another depression. BO must not be a student of history, or he would see that the FDR influences that he is so proud of actually prolonged the last depression. Here is my idea, you can take credit for it if you want. We need a National Lottery. Not a bunch of scratch off tickets, pick three, pick four or anything too complicated. In this National Lottery, we would have a drawing every -let's say Thursday night. The rules would be simple, pick six numbers and a another ball, just like the Powerball is set up. Every U.S. citizen over eighteen years of age would be allowed to play, and if you aren't a legal citizen of this country, sorry, no dice. Have all fifty states be involved in this lottery and the prizes would be huge. Since the Powerball is hovering around 165,000,000 as I write this, one can only imagine what the weekly prize would be from the involvement of all fifty states. The best part of my new lottery is what they would do with the profits. I would have them take every dime, every dollar, every red cent of profit and apply it toward the national debt. I would have an overseer to make sure that no one involved in this National Lottery got "Enron's Disease" and started making ridiculous money while they were involved. The profit from this would be kept within a strict percentage, so that overhead and greed didn't ruin everything. Decent wages, and no bonuses for CEOs. How long do you think it would take to wipe out the National debt? One year, two maybe. And when the National Debt is wiped out- how high would the dollar soar then? And then, when the national Debt is wiped out, and the budget is balanced-really balanced,not slick willie balanced, then we could start putting money into the other things that need it. Infrastructure would be a wonderful way to spend the money, plus it would create a bazillion good paying jobs. And if the economy were rolling like it was at Ronald Reagan's peak, there is nothing that we couldn't do, is there? But of course, BO and his band of 40+ thieves would have to have our best interests in mind, and that's not going to happen, is it? I have used this expression before, but monkeys are more likely to fly out of my butt than anything good come from the next two years of uber government that we are in for. When did people become unable to think for themselves? When did the government decide that we all needed to be taken care of like small children? When did people decide that it is easier for Big Brother to do the hard work instead of getting in there and doing it ourselves? I wish I knew when that time was so that we could go back and correct it. There is an expression for that time. It's called "Jumping the Shark." The expression means the time when something or someone has peaked and has now begun to descend without hope of recovery. The phrase was coined from an episode of Happy Days when the character Fonzie jumped over a tank of sharks. The series never recovered from that horrible moment, and it began it's decent into the end. I only hope that we as a country haven't "jumped the shark." But recent events make me wonder. If I hear any different, I'll let you know and you can thank me later.

B.O. is Looking for a Dog

When was the last time that you saw something ridiculous? For me, it would be about twenty minutes ago. I was surfing around and saw a recent headline that B.O. and family had narrowed their search for a dog down to two breeds. Whoopee. Was the source of Socks the Cat gone? Is Hillary unavailable to give the location of where a quick psuedo pet can be found? I believe that the family of BO is going to see this poor creature about as often as Slick Willie's Family saw Socks. That means every once in a while for the prerequisite photo-op, then the poor creature will disappear until the next need for an opportunity to look like a normal family instead of the family that attends a hate mongering anti American pit like the Barac Hussein Obama's have. Is the same lady available to take this poor creature in, that took in Socks when the Slick Willie's unceremoniously dumped it? Let's hope so. Otherwise, the Humane Society may want to start looking for a good home for it now. I can only hope that the National Media is all set to wash that scandal away the way that they have so many now. It must be gratifying work to help and whitewash so much crap all the time. Of course, no one is calling it whitewashing, are they? No sir, they are simply taking the time to assess the facts before they proceed. So how much time does it take to "assess" the information on a tape that shows BO singing the praises of a perhaps enemy of Israel? I've been waiting on someone, anyone to make a fuss about the LA paper that chose to sit on incriminating information about BO for quite a while now. I've thought this before and I'll toss it out there again. If, say, another newspaper had a potential story about Senator McCain at a NRA rally and he was shouting for the end of all convicted felons who had been put away for murder, and if he had called for their immediate execution, how many land speed records would the media have set suing everyone and their Brother for access to that information? Too many to count. So what is the difference, you may ask. I'm just spit balling here, but I'm going to guess the answer to be political orientation. If I find out different, I'll eat your shoes. But I'll also be sure and pass that on so that you can thank me later.