It Is W's Fault

I have found out that I have a medical problem that I thought had gone away.  It's not gonorrhea or anything like that (I generally avoided the Oval Office during the Clinton administration,thank you) but it is serious enough to have me concerned.  I have decided to blame this on two things, in this order 1) Global Warming/Climate Change  and 2) George W. Bush.
After all, If B.O. can do it, why not me?  I would fall out of my chair if just one time, everyone's favorite Kenyan said "You know, I was full of crap, I guess I didn't get the answer from my 6 weeks of government experience."  I have asthma, I'm not holding my breath on this one. The following is the list of things that I will now be blaming on George W. Bush and global warming.  

1)My cat throws up when he eats too quickly. This must be global warming causing him to eat so fast.
2)My neighbors let their dog out at 2:30 AM every morning and don't let him in for 20 minutes, even though he screeches to be let in. (I bet they're alqaeda)
3) There was a brown hairy spider by my steps this morning
4)3 trillion dollar deficit for socializing medicine -oops wrong guy
5)split ends
6) the stray cat that keeps spraying my car tires
7)Those annoying "free credit report" songs that I get stuck in my head for days
8) okra
9)my ex's father wanting to hug me when he knew I hated it
10)my ex
11)the milk I bought Tuesday that was sour when I opened it
12)mannequins
13)excessively biased media outlets with an agenda
14)lime koolaid
15)corn bread made with real corn kernels in it
16)saccharin after taste
17)Iran being a breath away from being nuclear(How's that sitting down with the enemy thing working?)
18)Lawn mowers before 8 am
19)zippers that come apart in the middle
As you can see, this is a work in progress.  As I uncover more things that are the fault of someone who kept us safe from terrorist attack for seven years, I'll let you know, and you can thank me later.