What You Wish You Had Said

Today's blog is pretty straightforward. Looking back, was there ever a situation that you wish you had said something differently? Many times, the perfect response to a comment or situation does not present itself until hours or even days after the time has passed to say it. I think of a time when I was helping a lady with no legs and only one arm do her shopping. She was in a motorized cart that Walmart provides. Another customer with more-shall we say-girth?-complained because there wasn't a cart for her to use. I simply apologized for her inconvenience and continued to help the other customer. What I wish I had said was "Ma'am, I am sorry that the cruel fates have left you addicted to the four boxes of Twinkies and the case of Mountain Dew in your cart. I only hope that it doesn't sever three of your limbs the way it did this lady!" Of course the only words that she would have understood would have been Twinkies and Mountain Dew, but I would have felt better. Another example of this would be when a horrible third shift assistant joined the overnight crew of Pedro's. This person was more interested in flinging her hair and flirting with the support manager than she was in getting any real work done. On any given night,Katrina could be found walking the floor with her support managers, and casually looking over the merchandise and commenting on working associates or items that were for sale. Pedro told me that he was informed by this Katrina that the walkie-talkie he had been using at work for the past five years was unauthorized and would not be allowed any longer. I am certain that it had nothing to do with the conversations that were over heard between the support manager and her. I am also certain that any "meetings" that they had in the TLE stock room were strictly work related. Pedro wishes he had said "Listen Kate, I know that you have a pressing engagement with the support manager. But frankly, I am too busy answering the calls that you cannot answer while you are having sex with the associate, to worry about much of anything else." So short as this blog may be today, send me a message with the situation you have dealt with and what you wish you had said. I promise, even in my post-Turkey intoxication, I'll print the best ones. And you can thank me later.

Lap Dog Toadies

The title of today's post comes from an expression used by one of the coolest Walmart associates I have ever had the privilege to know. Erin is an older lady who used to be quite pleasant, I am sure. But the years of working at the courtesy desk took their toll on her. Too many years of listening to con artists try to return stereo boxes filled with bricks and other assorted crooked dealings have seemed to have stripped Erin of her faith in her fellow man. Or woman. While standing behind the courtesy desk, Erin has has a lot of time to observe her fellow associates. The one group that she saves the most scorn for is the group that never seems to have any work that is more important that kissing the butt of whoever they perceive to be in charge. And this group can switch puckers in mid sentence if they have to. Which brings me to the question-why would you demean yourself like that? Were you genetically enhanced to remove all self respect from your self? Or do you honestly think that this is how people move ahead in their jobs? Even the answer to the question fills me with pity. There are many other names for a lap dog toady. Some of the printable ones include :butt kisser, brown noser, and suck up. But they all have the same characteristics, don't they? They seem to be born with that sixth sense of ferreting out the person in charge and wheedling over there to them. It used to be a good time to watch a switch in management so that you could watch all the toadies bickering and jockeying for position. Watching that is better than stamp collecting any day. In my opinion,Walmart should have a special class for management that teaches them how to suss out these toadies and keep that at a distance. They might gain the respect of the associates who are actually working, and perhaps get rid of a few that aren't. But enough of the daydreams. This is another subject that I don't have an answer for. I am open to any (printable) suggestions for what to do about them. I'll be more than happy to pass on any ideas that work. And then everyone can just thank me later.

What Exactly are These People Paid for Anyway?

If you've ever worked for that great big bundle of retail wonderfulness for any length of time, there is a good chance that while you were, they had a hiring freeze. A hiring freeze is just what it sounds like- for a time Walmart will not hire any one. Well.... almost,not hire any one. If a good friend of a manager gets in a jam, they have been known to bend a few rules. But right before the end of a fiscal quarter, or right before a huge company expense is expected, or sometimes, if the manager is trying to make sure his or her bonus is big enough, they will institute a hiring freeze. If you are silly enough to think that this means that the company has enough people to run the store, and they just aren't hiring any more, put away your crack pipe. What this means, is that Walmart doesn't care if they are under-staffed. No one is getting hired until they can do it without dipping into bonus money. For the average associate, the bonus doesn't mean anything. They'll never see the corporate bonus- they'll be lucky to find the manager who even admits this bonus exists. But for the average associate, they are going to be pulled in five directions at once as they try to cover all the work that is expected of them. Just because there aren't enough people doesn't mean that the freight is going to slow down, silly boy. It only means that you better get your butt in gear to get it all put away before it's time to clock out and go home. You also better be limbered up because you are going to have to cover at least three departments for customer calls, straightening shelves(zoning) and working freight. I guess you should just keep telling yourself that it will be worth it when the bonuses are passed out. Riiiiiight. But not to get too far off point, if a store has this many hiring freezes, what exactly does the personnel department do? I know they have many important papers to shuffle as they look too busy to come out on the sales floor and help with a crunch, but when there is a hiring freeze, what exactly can they be doing to fill their 8 hour days? They aren't interviewing people to work for the company,they aren't submitting paperwork for new hires, in fact the paperwork for regular associates has got to be a routine that they can finish with their eyes closed. So why is the personnel department eating up all those payroll hours when there aren't any new associates to process? And while I am asking questions- why doesn't personnel work when the associates work-that is to say the majority of the associates. If you have a set schedule of evening hours, or weekends, the personnel associates might be an urban legend for all the times that you'll see them. Why don't they have the personnel there when the associates need them to be there- say some evening hours and weekends? Why should an associate have to take time out of the rest of their life and come into the store because the personnel people work banker's hours? But enough of that rant. Good luck trying to get it fixed. Anna told me that she's been asking that in grass roots meetings, and now survey opinion polls, for four years. She's still waiting on an answer. I suggested she ask Bentonville directly. If they ever answer her, I'll let you know what they said. And you can thank me later.

If In Doubt-Terminate

I've spoken many times before about people who have gotten a raw deal from that big Happy Retailer we all know and love. Here is someone I haven't mentioned yet. When I heard what happened to him, I shook my head in disbelief. It seems that Joe worked for that bundle of retail heaven- Walmart- for almost eight years. He had started in grocery and quickly worked his way into being a department manager. He took a chronically under performing dairy department, and had the area making a profit for the first time in years. To understand what that means, realize that most of the time, if the dairy department is breaking even, most stores are happy. Between price matches, wic, food stamps and many other reasons, the dairy department is not a huge money maker. Why do you think most stores keep it in the back of the building? It is so that you pass all the other things that you didn't realize you needed until you passed them on your crusade to the back of the store for milk. Most people have to have milk, that's a fact of life. But if the store keeps it up front and handy, how are you suppose to realize that you also need batteries, chocolate cookies, and probably cold medicine? So there you go. At any rate, back to Joe. Joe was not only making money with his department, he was also saving Walmart with their P&L. (To the uninitiated, P&L is profit and loss ) To quit speaking retail, that means that Joe was able to make money in the department and also, and more importantly, he was able to not lose money in the area by rotating his stock, keeping the dates current and not losing track of product. But enough of Retail 101. In a nut shell, Joe was doing a phenomenal job in his area. If only he had agreed to do the comanager at the time, he might still be stocking milk and rotating yogurt. But Joe had a girlfriend, a conscious, and a sense of right and wrong. So Joe said no, and the next thing he knew- he had to go. Walmart wasn't sure what to do about the problem, so they took care of it in the way that works best for them-Joe was terminated. Not for doing a great job-no. Joe was demoted from running the department, transferred, then harangued until he was terminated. If Joe was one minute late in clocking out for lunch, he was given a verbal warning. Before he knew what was happening, Joe was given a decision day(Walmart speak for a day off with pay to decide if you want to keep working for them) then on the very next opportunity, Joe was an ex-employee. But don't look to see that little story told in a commercial any time soon. Joe has a job now. Actually, Joe has three jobs now. They cover his bills, feed his family, and give him the luxury of knowing that he was right, and Walmart was wrong. He'd like to have the luxury of only working one job, but he's hopeful that in spite of recent elections, the economy will turn around soon. When it does, he hopes to quit at least one of his other jobs. And when I told him that I couldn't wait to write about his story, he said he would thank me later.

So You Say You Want to be Promoted?

I had a conversation with Donny over the weekend. It seems that he has decided that he wants to join the management team of a certain retailer that we don't need to mention by name. Donny has been with the company for about 18 months and thinks he has what it takes to join the salaried ranks. He also wants to move up, he could see himself as a store manager one day. So, Donny made his feelings known. At each of the last two evaluations that he received, he expressed a desire to move up in the company. How was that request met? For starters, even though Donny has made sure he is cross trained in virtually every department, he only received a "meets" on his last evaluation. His Assistant Manager told him that she was strongly urged not to give out "exceeds" due to budget restraints. When he asked if that would affect his desire to move up with the company, he was told no- it has no bearing on that whatsoever. Guess what? It does have a bearing on the chances of going into the management program and those chances are much smaller now because of his mediocre evaluation. So what can he do about it? In the words of the assistant manager with whom he spoke about it-jack squat. It seems that the assistant clued him in on a few things that he was unaware of. First of all, he did not realize that many of the tasks he performs on any given day are suppose to be done by someone else. Someone who is salaried and makes more money than him. Second, many of the things that he has been asked to do-and done- are so out of his job description as to be laughable. And the third reason he was told that he will not see the comfortable chair side of the management program is because he is too good to be replaced! Not too good to give an exceeds to, but he never misses work, never hesitates to go somewhere else in the store, and never needs more than minimal supervision. If Walmart could clone this guy, they'd be shipping him out of DC's any day now. So Donnie is in a quandary. If he keeps doing this well, perhaps they will finally reward him for all of his hard work. On the other hand, if he keeps making it this easy for his assistant manager, why would they ever want him to go? And anyone who has ever put on a blue vest knows that the easiest thing for the assistant manager is always the right answer. What should he do? I don't have a good answer for him. If the job market is better in his area of the world than it is in the rest of ours, I would think that he should start looking around. Otherwise, he better cross his fingers that a TARGET store comes into the area. He can take his knowledge and work ethic there and perhaps be appreciated. If that happens, I'm thinking that he'll thank me later.

Are Unions the Answer??

If I'm in the mood to start an argument in my family, I only need one word, really: Union. There, I said it, so you may want to duck when my family starts reading this blog. I don't really have any strong feelings for a union or against a union, I've never been a member of one and I don't know that I am missing out on anything. I've read that they make a lot of promises, but I don't know how many of those promises have been kept. I remember my step-Father, one of the greatest men I have ever known, and the union that he was in. That union kept voting for the overtime that was mandated, and one of the greatest men I have ever known ended up working himself to death. My Dad thought that unions were the only way to go. He proudly participated in his union until his forced medical retirement. Unfortunately, the only thing that I ever saw either of these two unions do was send a beautiful arrangement to the funerals of two good men. They were nice flowers, to be sure, but all things considered, I would rather have those two wonderful men back. Now the biggest boogie man that Walmart has in their arsenal is the dreaded union. Whenever the talk starts to head around to a possible union invasion, you can hear the butts of management get tighter than a snare drum. I am not kidding. With a couple of drumsticks, you could line up management and have one of those drum wars that I used to love to listen to when I was younger. But is a union the answer? I don't know. I know that Walmart is not shy about closing a store that has a union in it. What can a union do for you? Can they get better insurance for you or could they just ask for better insurance? I've written before about my opinion on answering the insurance problem, so if you want that, look back through the older posts and you'll find it. Can they get more hours for you? Or would you have to work more hours to cover your union dues? Again, I don't know. Let me be clear when I say that I have never been a member of a union. I have family that is or was in a union, and the results are somewhat mixed. One of the center pieces for Walmart's anti-union rhetoric is the pat piece "Our associates don't need anyone to speak for them, they do a very good job of speaking for themselves!" That sounds nice, doesn't it? I mean-there is Walmart giving recognition and praise to their hard working associates. Or are they simply blowing smoke up the butt of those very associates so that they don't want to organize? I know that union membership is down from its heydays when they did real good with miners and such. I know that if they were able to unionize Walmart and it's huge legions of employees, the coffers would be overflowing in most unions again. But what good could they actually do for the associates? If they ask for more money for the associates and Walmart says no-then what? A strike? Now what are you suppose to do for money? And what about the other benefits? Can a union guarantee that you will get better benefits than you have now? Can they guarantee you anything? For the kind of money that union fees add up to, I would like to have some rock hard guarantees in writing. Again, this is one of the few blogs I've written without a definite opinion to state. For myself, I don't know that a union could do any more for a Walmart associate than simply asking for what you want yourself. If you have a definite opinion, please feel free to let me know. I could be convinced either way. I cannot stress enough that my mind is not made up on this. My mind is made up that Walmart has got to find a way to treat their associates better and stop taking advantage of shadowy laws and statutes. If I had been able to sue Walmart when the illegal immigrants that they hired through an agency mixed bleach and ammonia and almost killed me, I might be able to afford some of the other things I would like to have instead of the medicine that I have got to have so I can continue to enjoy breathing. The constant little cough that I have wouldn't aggravate the people that I care about, and I might be able to do more things with my boys without having to suck on an inhaler every couple of hours. I wouldn't have nosebleeds every few hours, and I wouldn't have to keep checking my nostrils to make sure that I don't have blood running down my face. I would have never scared any of my sons with a bloody face that I didn't realize that I had, and I wouldn't have had to hide my face to make sure that I didn't scare him any more. I wouldn't have scars on my vocal cords that sometimes make my voice lower than the "fun girls" on an old episode of Andy Griffith. Or Suzanne Pleshette. So if you have the answer to the union question, please let me know. I would love to hear it, and I would thank you later.

Manager Trainee Program

Walmart is very proud of the fact that they promote so many of their managers from within the company.They make sure to mention it at every opportunity they can. They have it on posters in the back halls, signs in the offices, it's even in the break rooms. It looks great on paper. But take a closer look. If you walk through any of the stores and take a look at the hard workers there, in a few years they will still be there. Who are these people that are in the management program? Many, many of them are associates who are in college and join the happy Walmart program while in school. A few are regular associates who want to go further with the company. They are in training to be salaried managers and are pampered and cossetted as such. They do not have a real clue what it is like to work in a store in real circumstances, and they never will. Every moment of their well constructed day is overseen by another member of the Walmart management team. At no time are they ever left unattended or unobserved. From the time that they start, until the time that they go home,they are supervised and babysat. Perhaps there is a better way to train them. Here is another idea: any person who wishes to be a manager in the happiest retail heaven on earth should be required to work for two years in a store. Not as a designated management trainee, but as an associate. Making the money that an associate makes, and understanding what happens when your hours are cut or you have three hours of work, and two hours to finish it.Put them on the new program that accounts for every minute of your time, but doesn't factor in any time for customer service. These trainees shouldn't be singled out for any special treatment in those two years, just given work opportunities in every single department. Meet with them every week to see how they are progressing, perhaps even explain the reasons for some of the things that they are doing. Explain the reasons that management requires hours to be cut at times, but that the workload remains constant. At the end of their two year training period, there should not be a job that they cannot do. I would think that cutting keys, mixing paint, selling a fishing or hunting license, cutting fabric, or fixing a battery in a watch would be just another day at the office, so to speak. And hopefully, after two years of getting by on Walmart pay, they should have a huge empathy for any worker who clocks in everyday for the company. But I am sure that this is never going to happen.It would make way too much sense, wouldn't it? I've had many managers brag that they started out as a lowly cart pusher in the store. This may be, but somewhere along the line, they lost their way. At some point in the process of receiving( and lying about the existence of) huge bonuses- lowly associates have been dehumanized into cattle that simply do the grunt work. They have a grass roots meeting every year, try bringing this up. Let me know how that flies,okay? Don't be offended if I don't hold my breath though. If it actually works, you can thank me later.

When This Blog Hits One Thousand

The subject today required me to do a little stretching before I started patting myself on the back. You see, the goal that I had set for myself was to see if I could catch the attention of anyone with my opinions. When I began this, it never occurred to me to have a counter on it to keep track of visitors. First, I was curious. After that, I was amazed. Of course I have a few friends to thank for their word of very big mouth, but still, Thank You to everyone who has bothered to take a few minutes and read this. Now that I am finished with the schmoozing part of my blog, let's move on. Something surprisingly useful came from a recent visit to that anti Walmart site. I found a link to a program that is coming out about how the recent election of B.O. was helped quite a bit by the mainstream media. I know, I know, you are as shocked as me, right? I mean how could anyone misconstrue the non-stop barrage of endless criticisms and nitpicking as anything but good old fashioned satire? And let's not forget that first amendment right to twist the truth in the name of comedy. But the smear job that was done on Sarah Palin and John McCain was sickening. And after watching a piece I found on the Internet at the site http://www.howobamagotelected.com/ I was dumbfounded. I have never seen so many people who are hopelessly ignorant of not just the issues, but life in general that have agreed to appear with out having their faces altered in some way. Holy crap, I kept thinking of the term useful idiots. If you go to the video, you will see a parade of them. It gives you a scary glimpse in to just how powerful the media is now. Too many people believe that if they see or hear something over and over on television, that it must be true. Sort of like the Jedi Mind Trick that Eddie Murphy used to joke about. You can also find a bit on youtube of a radio program that interviewed people about why they liked B.O. The catch is, they attributed John McCain's ideas to B.O. The ignorant sheep that heard the ideas loved every one of them as long as they thought that the ideas were attributed to B.O. Yikes! The scary part is that we are stuck with the incompetent jackass and his whopping 142 days of experience for a while unless he does us all a favor and gets himself impeached. Given the stellar group of his known associates that shouldn't be too difficult, even for him. Of course, that means his wife will have to go back to being embarrassed by being an American again, but they loved her on that estrogen no IQ fest that they call The View. Maybe she can be on that program for a while. They keep rotating out the crazy seat on that one, anyway. I don't really care what either of them do so long as they get to it very quickly. Pray for our Country for the next two years. We are going to need it. You'll see. And if they're answered? Just thank me later.

Walmart Blows Revisited

Okay, I'll admit it. From time to time, when I want to feel better about myself, I still take a look through Walmart Blows.com. I know, I know, it's a lot like slowing down to watch them rinse the blood off the road, but when you want to feel better about yourself, there is nothing better. It even makes a crappy day surrounded by idiots go a little faster. Especially when you read the thing over longer periods of time. I'm not suggesting that you go there every day-Good Lord no, what kind of loser does that? What I am saying is that if you need to feel better about your situation,no matter how bleak that may be, take a look at some of the whiners that frequent this site. Make special note of the headlining losers who either moderate this thing or suck up to those who do. If someone has posted more than say...300 times in a year or two, am I wrong in thinking that they need a life? No, I am not. If you really want to stir them up, ask questions. Those deputy dawgs will have you outed for a corporate spy so quickly, you won't have time to spell paranoid loser. But enough of that. Thanksgiving is closing in on us and it made me think of some of the things that I am thankful for. I'll state the obvious one first: I have three boys that are the light of my life. When things are at their worst, I still have three reasons to get up every morning. But I am lucky that way. Perhaps the people who inhabit this site have nothing else in their lives? Maybe this is the best thing that they have going for them. If that is the case, my scorn and derision have shifted into pity. What a pathetic waste of time. But back to the things I am thankful for. I have a very good friend who is going through a rough patch in his life. But he still manages to scour the Internet so that he can tell me blond jokes I've never heard before. I suppose it's all in what you make of it. So if you are working for that retail slice of heaven, hang in there- at least you have a job, right? And if other news, political or personal have you down, just try to keep your head up. Better times are coming. You'll see. And then you can thank me later.

The Walmart F Word-Favoritism or Hope Still Stinks

I have often railed against the inadequacies of hope. I believe my exact words are "hope sucks." I still feel that way, and yet here I am, like a plain girl waiting by the phone on a Friday night. It could happen. And that is the part that just makes me furious. I just hate the up in the air, not knowing feeling. I suppose I could be an Eeyore sort of person, but why would you bother to get up in the mornings? I think the thing that I would most like to see is a sense of justice in the world. Maybe a sense that there really is a Divine Power and that this Power might be on my side. In a way that is a sort of favoritism, isn't it? And believe it or not, this was originally going to be about you-know-where and their endless displays of favoritism. But I started thinking about favoritism and that evolved into hope. That dreaded four letter word. I think the problem is that if you get disappointed enough, you start to be afraid of hope. As if just the audacity of such a thing is going to open you up to big disappointments. Who knows? I am still trying to figure out why this ended up being a blog about hope instead of the favoritism often displayed at a certain retail giant who shall remain nameless. Maybe it's about hope because of Melanie H. Now Melanie sent me a wickedly funny email about her store in Tennessee. It seems that Miss Melanie was up for a promotion to department manager, or whatever it is that they call them now, and believed that she had an excellent chance of getting the job. But she was completely unaware that another associate had gotten in the habit of chatting up one of the co-managers during smoking breaks, and other times. Guess who got the gig? Was it A) the associate who has been in the same department for the last three years, learning everything that there is to know about her area, and often taking on more responsibility so that she would have a realistic idea of what was expected of her? Or do you think it was B) the new guy who had a knack for always being up the butt of the co-manager no matter where she was. Come on people-I've quizzed you before. I shouldn't even have to tell any one who has ever worn a blue/red/green/tan vest the answer to this one. But just for fun (and for any newbies who may be reading my stuff for the first time) the answer is B. Melanie is so disgusted that she wants to transfer out of the department but has been asked to wait until the new department whatever- they- call- them- now- is ready to stand on his own two feet. I think the word I am looking for is chutzpah. Melanie feels like a used condom, and I can't say that I blame her. With the job market as tight as it is, she feels stuck, but the first chance that she gets, she is going to bolt. Can you blame her? She wants to work for a company that actually wants to promote the best person for the job, not the brownest nose. I hope she finds something quickly. If she does, I'll let you know. If it's a great new job with the unlimited possibilities that used to be Walmart, I'll also let you know where that mythical place is. Either way, you'll thank me later.