This particular nephew- let's just call him Idiot Boy, is eighteen years old. He reminds me of something that my dad, used to say "Go out in the world now, while you know everything." Idiot Boy married a dandy. I have seen pictures, and while I try not to judge based on a person's physical appearance, I don't think she had many choices when Idiot Boy came along. She is a very domineering female, physically. She must outweigh him by about one hundred pounds. She is older than he is by about five years. Yes, you read that right. A 23 year old behemoth was dating my underage nephew until he was old enough to marry her without parental consent. Now here is where it breaks my heart. Within a week of being married, she is joined at the hip with him in every part of his life. He has no separate email, no separate phone, no separate life. This plus sized wonder is in every facet of his business-personal and private.
I understand that you get that when you are married, but I also know that when someone comes on that strong, wanting to dominate that much of your life, you are looking at trouble. So because this foul piece of trailer trash has systematically cut off all contact he has with his family, I decided to post the warning signs of an abuser. I hope that the nephew sees these and recognizes that he needs help. I also hope that he knows I have a spare bedroom if he needs to get away quickly, and that his Mother would do anything for him. The signs to look out for came from Ann Silvers and her website. Get out now while you can, Idiot Boy, you'll thank me later.
These behaviors suggest a controlling relationship:
- Your partner continually monitors your time and makes you account for every minute (when you run errands, visit friends, commute to work, etc.).
- Your partner accuses you of having affairs with other men/women or acts suspicious that you are.
- Your partner is rude to your friends.
- Your partner calls you names or curses at you.
- Your partner belittles you for your race, age, gender, education, abilities, or ideas.
- Your partner humiliates you in private or in public.
- Your partner discourages you from starting new friendships.
- Your partner’s apologies are followed with retractions or fault finding: “I’m sorry, but you made me do it because you __________.” “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t __________.”
- You feel isolated and alone, as if there is nobody close to confide in.
- Your partner tells you that you’ll never “make it” without him/her, or that no one would ever want you.
- Your partner is overly critical of daily things such as, your appearance, your posture, your income, your accomplishments, etc.
- Your partner demands a strict account of how you spend money.
- Your partner has threatened to kick you out, or call the police, your family, your boss, or Social Services, if you disagree or refuse to go along with what she/he wants.
- Your partner has blocked your freedom of movement, i.e. blocking a doorway, taking your keys, taking your distributor cap, etc.
- Your partner is disturbed by your working or by the thought of you working.
- Your partner pressures you for sex much more often than you’d like.
- Your partner becomes angry if you don’t want to go along with his/her requests for sex.
- Your partner has threatened to take the kids so that you’ll never see them again.
- Your partner has played “mind games” or made you think you were crazy.
- Your partner has treated you like a servant.
- Your partner has “gotten in your face” (yelling or threatening 2 or 3 inches from your nose) when angry.
These behaviors suggest a dangerous or potentially dangerous situation:
- Your partner’s moods change radically, from very calm to very angry.
- Your partner has gotten out weapons (guns, knives, etc.) to look at, to clean, or to play with when you are having an argument.
- Your partner has physically restrained you.
- Your partner becomes angry more easily if he/she drinks or uses drugs
- You have had to leave your home because you were frightened of your partner’s behavior.
- Your partner blames you for his/her own acts of violence.
- Your partner has struck you with his/her hands or feet (slap, punch, kick, etc.).
- Your partner has struck you with an object.
- Your partner has threatened you with an object or weapon.
- Your partner has threatened to kill either himself/herself or you.
- Your partner is obsessed with you, unwilling to let you go.
- Your partner follows you to work, to school, or repeatedly calls to check on where you are.
- There are holes in your walls, doors off hinges, or telephones ripped out of the wall.
- Your partner has given you visible injuries such as welts, bruises, cuts, lumps on the head.
- You have had to treat with first aid an injury from his/her violence.
- You have had to seek professional aid at a medical clinic, doctor’s office, or hospital emergency room for an injury caused by your partner.
- Your partner has hurt you sexually or forced you to have intercourse.
- Your partner is violent toward children.
- Your partner has choked you or pulled you by your hair.
- Your partner has been violent toward people outside your home and family.
- Your partner has thrown you, or tried to throw you, down, or into a wall, or into a kitchen counter, etc.
- Your partner has twisted your arm, tripped you, or bit you.
- Your partner has attacked the sexual parts of your body.
- Your partner has hurt or threatened to hurt pets.
- Your partner has intentionally destroyed your property.
- Your partner throws objects or breaks things when angry.
- Your partner has been in trouble with the police.
- Your partner has said that if he/she can’t have you, no one else will.
- You have called the police or tried to call them because you felt you or other members of your family were in danger.
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