Have you seen those pedi-paw things that they advertise on television? It seems like a good idea, especially for dogs. Well, today you are reading the words of an idiot who tried it on her cats. My cats don't have any front claws. I know, I know, before I get boycotted by PETA or some other whack job organization, if it's claws or getting rid of the animal, I am sure my two lap robes would prefer their front claws to be optional.
A couple of nights ago, I was sleeping when one of my darlings mistook me for a springboard onto where he wanted to be. I woke up with his back claws pushing off of me, as he leaped onto the place he shouldn't have been anyway.
Long story short-a friend has one of those devices that "smooth away" the nails, leaving them less pointy. Sounds good, right? Tell my cats, okay? They aren't buying that painless part, even though I tried it on my thumb nail and it doesn't hurt. I think it's the noise that makes them bug eyed.
So, I let them smell it, the way the product suggests. Everything is fine and dandy. One of my cats is a behemoth,twenty plus pounds. Not much bothers him except an empty food dish. My other cat is siamesey with all the insanity that implies.He's not small, but he doesn't have near the girth that my other cat has. He is also what can be described as high strung at times. He sniffed the device as well. No one hissed, I took that as a good sign. You see, when I roll out the vacuum, there is much hissing and scurrying away.
Next, I turned it on, as the box suggests. so they could get used to the sound of it. This is where the wild eyes started. When I say wild eyes, I mean those buggy, distrusting looks that cats can give you with their ears all but disappearing from their heads. Usually right before they bolt or bite and scratch the crap out of you, is when you see them. I persisted.
I started with the large cat who is somewhat embarrassed to be named, so for his privacy, let's call him Biggun. Well, Biggun was fine for about three minutes. I wanted to just get him used to it with a couple of nails. Besides, I am reasonably certain he was not spring boarding off of me the other night. He took the first one well, and tolerated the second. The third nail was pushing it, so I quit.
Here's where it got interesting. My second cat had been watching all of this with mounting horror. He in no way wanted to be part of this experiment. Following the packages' advice, I didn't rush him. I coaxed him out from under the bed and sat him on my lap. He purred when I scratched him for a few minutes, but as soon as the dreaded device made it's appearance that all stopped. He hissed. Twice. Then he brought out the claws from the other night. I soothed him as best as I could. I decided to wait on doing his nails, I just let him smell the torture device. Holding him firmly-which is a euphemism if ever there was one-I started on his back right foot. My friend was gamely helping me. It occurred to me that two grown people should be able to subdue a twelve pound cat. Not so much. I turned the device off again, my cat's eyes went back into his head. Turned it on, out they popped. It was kind of like watching a magic trick.
Now, with his eyes firmly popping from his head,(the cat that is) my friend held him while I attempted to put one toe nail against the smoothing device. With liquid speed, he began what can only be described as a feline river dance. That cat has moves. Off went the device again.
I tried to think of something that would sooth him, like kitty Valium, perhaps. No luck. In the end, we decided that we were the ones with opposable thumbs and my neighbor held him firmly(there's that euphemism again) while I smoothed his nails down. When we were finished, there was not a cat to be seen. My Mother uses Vick's vapor rub to keep her cats away while she is sleeping. She should get one of these and set it by the bed. She'd thank me later.
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